David Morey 
Divorce is rarely clean or easy. It’s emotional, expensive, and loaded with stress. That’s why hiring a divorce lawyer isn’t just about getting legal help. It’s about figuring out how to work with someone who’s going to help shape the next chapter of your life. And how you handle that relationship can make a big difference in how the process plays out.
Not every lawyer is the same, and not every client is easy to work with. But if you’re smart about it, you can keep things smoother, faster, and maybe even a little less painful. Here’s what to do and what not to do, when you’re dealing with your divorce lawyer.
Be Honest From Day One
Your lawyer can’t help you if you’re not upfront. That includes the ugly parts. The affair. The hidden bank account. The meltdown at your kid’s school. It might feel embarrassing, but your lawyer needs the full picture to prepare properly. Surprises only help the other side.
If they’re blindsided in court by something you never mentioned, it damages your case and your credibility. Being honest with your lawyer doesn’t mean you’re handing over ammo to be used against you. It means you’re giving your lawyer the tools to handle it before it becomes a problem.
Don’t Treat Your Lawyer Like a Therapist
They’re there to help you with the law, not your grief. Yes, emotions come up in meetings. That’s normal. But if every conversation turns into venting, you’re wasting time and running up your bill. Save the emotional processing for your support system. Use your time with your lawyer to focus on strategy, paperwork, timelines, and legal next steps.
It might sound harsh, but lawyers charge by the hour. Every detour costs you.
Give Them What They Ask For Quickly
When your lawyer asks for documents, don’t drag your feet. Bank statements, tax returns, emails, prenups – all of it matters. Waiting until the last minute or sending things in bits and pieces slows down your case. It also creates more back-and-forth, which again, costs you more.
Think of your lawyer like a contractor. You wouldn’t expect your house to get built on time if you didn’t give them the materials. Same here. The more organized and responsive you are, the smoother it goes.
Don’t Try to Hide or Control the Narrative
It’s tempting to frame things in a way that makes you look good. But cherry-picking details or downplaying your role in the conflict just gets in the way. Your lawyer isn’t judging you. They’re preparing to defend or represent you. They need the raw version, not the polished one.
This also goes for when you’re tempted to “coach” your kids or exaggerate your ex’s behavior. Family court judges have seen every trick in the book. Games like that usually backfire.
Ask Questions but Listen to the Answers
It’s totally fair to ask questions. You should understand what’s happening and why. But if you’re constantly second-guessing everything your lawyer says, or treating them like they’re trying to cheat you, you’re just getting in your own way.
You hired them for their expertise. Let them use it. That doesn’t mean you blindly agree to everything. It means you listen, think, and speak up when you need clarity—not to pick fights.
Don’t Micromanage the Process
It’s your life, your divorce, your future. But trying to control every step of the legal strategy is like telling your mechanic how to fix your engine when you’ve never picked up a wrench. Lawyers know the process. They know how to file, when to push, when to settle, and when to fight.
If you’re constantly overriding their advice or demanding they send angry letters just to “prove a point,” you’re likely making things worse. Let them do their job.
Keep Communication Clear and Focused
Long emotional emails filled with five different issues and scattered questions make it hard for your lawyer to help efficiently. Keep communication to the point. Group related topics together. Be clear about what you need from them. And don’t expect an instant response every time.
Lawyers are often juggling multiple cases. If you’ve hired a good one, they’re busy. That doesn’t mean you’re ignored. It means you need to be strategic about how and when you reach out.
Don’t Use Your Lawyer to Punish Your Ex
This is one of the biggest mistakes people make. Trying to “win” the divorce by dragging your ex through the mud almost always backfires. Judges don’t reward spite. They look for cooperation, especially when kids are involved.
If your lawyer senses you’re more interested in revenge than resolution, they may start pulling back. And if they don’t, they’ll at least warn you: it’s going to cost you, in money and goodwill.
Be Realistic About Outcomes
Your lawyer isn’t a magician. They can’t make your ex vanish or force a judge to give you full custody just because you want it. They can push hard, negotiate smart, and protect your rights. But there are limits to what the system allows.
Having clear, grounded expectations helps you stay focused. It also makes your lawyer’s job a lot easier. When both sides are playing in reality, the process moves faster and with less damage.
Final Thought: This Is a Working Relationship
You don’t have to be best friends with your divorce lawyer. But you do need to respect the partnership. You’re hiring someone to guide you through one of the toughest transitions in life. The more you work with them instead of against them, the better shot you have at walking away with your sanity and your future intact.
